There's been something on my mind for a while, and I can't seem to think about it enough for it to go away. Someone who cares about me is waiting I think. Somewhere. But I don't know what to do. I figured out how I feel about one thing in particular. I talked about it to a friend and he was able to tell me what he believed it was. And it actually scared me a little. I'm still having random thoughts about it. It sucks. I need to get a life. There are somethings I can't change, but until I try them all I'll never know what I missed. Seriously. I need to put myself back on the dating sceen. Whether or not I still have bruises, and find someone who cares about me. Someone who can be silly with me, who wouldn't mind going for walks in the rain with me, who can be normal around me. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to be who I am, but I want to be me with someone else. I want someone who is just as crazy as me to be with when we're free of busy lives. Even if it is for just a few hours. Just to see them...would make me feel a little better. Just, i think that i'll have to be pulled out of hiding.
There is one person that I wish would bring me back into the real life, but I'm not so sure that it'll work. I'm scared of this feeling. I really am. I've known him forever and I have felt the same way about him since I met him. He makes me feel normal, as funny as that is, cause there is no such thing as normal. But I feel that way when I'm with him. Though we haven't hung out since god knows when, I still see his face. It's somewhat comforting.
I really wish I could be strong enough [emotionally, mentally and physically] to actually say something to him about it instead of writing about it here....it's kind of pathetic how that happens...
More later.......
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