"Stay Beautiful, Keep It Ugly"

The sky is dark, on this cold august night. I can see my breath against the blood red moon. My heart is pounding as I race across the empty desert, thorny trees pulling at my exposed skin. No one around to hear my cries, I press on. I feel as if there are eyes staring in through my chest, constricting my heart without a touch. I feel a fiery touch graze across my skin, urging me to quicken my pace. I don’t even turn to look around when I hear a maniacal laugh echoing around me. My hopes of escape seemed to disintegrate right in front of me as a shadow man appears, holding what looks like a human heart in his rotting hands. I stop in my tracks, constricting in pain. Dropping to my knees, I clutch my chest, trying to control the pain. To no avail, the pressure increases. Knowing I have no choice, I shakily climb to my knees and continue on, one hand still covering my chest. I can hear soft music starting to play around me, though there is absolutely no one around. Have I finally lost everything I had left in this one moment?

The Only Hope For Me Is You

Remember me (x6)

Where, where will you stand?
When all the lights go out
Across these city streets
Where were you when
All of the embers fell
I still remember them
Covered in ash, covered in glass
Covered in all my friends
I still think of the bombs they build

If there's a place that I could be
Then I'd be another memory
Can I be the only hope for you
Because you're the only hope for me
And if we can't find where we belong
We'll have to make it on our own
Face all the pain and take it on
Because the only hope for me
Is you alone

How it should be
Many years after the disasters that we've seen
What have we learned?
Other than people burn in purifying flame
Say it's okay
I know you can tell
Though you can see my smile
I still think of the guns they sell

If there's a place that I could be
Then I'd be another memory
Can I be the only hope for you
Because you're the only hope for me
And if we can't find where we belong
We'll have to make it on our own
Face all the pain and take it on
Because the only hope for me
Is you alone

The only hope for me
The only hope for me
Is you, the only hope for me
Is you, the only hope for me
Is you, the only hope for me
Is you, the only hope


If there's a place that I could be
Then I'd be another memory
Can I be the only hope for you
Because you're the only hope for me
And if we can't find where we belong
We'll have to make it on our own
Face all the pain and take it on
Because the only hope for me
Is you alone

The only hope for me is you

[[I had to post one of the two songs that are running through my head this afternoon. the other one will be in the next blog]]

Is It Over Yet? Can I Open My Eyes?

Wow...I don't think I can handle much more of this.
It's getting so hard to even get out of bed anymore.
It's so hard to keep my composure lately, that it's helping to break me down.
Even when I thought I couldn't be broken anymore.
Is this all that's left for me?
I mean, come one.
I don't want to be the depressed, alcoholic mom that my kids don't want to be around.
But that's where this shit is leading me.
That thought keeps lingering in my mind, but I can't act on it.
I want to, but I just can't.
I guess that's a good thing right?
Is it wrong that I feel like this?
All the time?
No real happy feelings anymore?
I mean, yeah, I still smile.
But no one knows whether they're real or not.
Which 99% of the time they're not.
I wish I'd never gotten back involved in the real world.
I want to go back to hiding by myself.
At least I didn't have to hide how I felt.
Then again, the alcohol has been making it easier to deal with things.
So maybe things will get better.
I doubt they will, but I can still admit that there is a chance.
However slim it may be.
Cause no one wants to be around someone who's completely broken.
That's what I've been hearing lately.
That it's just too hard to be around me.
I'm too depressing for everybody.

Will this ever end??