Is It Over Yet? Can I Open My Eyes?

Wow...I don't think I can handle much more of this.
It's getting so hard to even get out of bed anymore.
It's so hard to keep my composure lately, that it's helping to break me down.
Even when I thought I couldn't be broken anymore.
Is this all that's left for me?
I mean, come one.
I don't want to be the depressed, alcoholic mom that my kids don't want to be around.
But that's where this shit is leading me.
That thought keeps lingering in my mind, but I can't act on it.
I want to, but I just can't.
I guess that's a good thing right?
Is it wrong that I feel like this?
All the time?
No real happy feelings anymore?
I mean, yeah, I still smile.
But no one knows whether they're real or not.
Which 99% of the time they're not.
I wish I'd never gotten back involved in the real world.
I want to go back to hiding by myself.
At least I didn't have to hide how I felt.
Then again, the alcohol has been making it easier to deal with things.
So maybe things will get better.
I doubt they will, but I can still admit that there is a chance.
However slim it may be.
Cause no one wants to be around someone who's completely broken.
That's what I've been hearing lately.
That it's just too hard to be around me.
I'm too depressing for everybody.

Will this ever end??