So...things have been a little off for me the last few weeks.
More focused on the last few days, but still.
I can't stop seeing things in my head that I just want to forget about.
I need to forget about them.
I don't think I'm strong enough to handle them anymore.
Well, I don't think I know I'm not.
I can't handle it.
I'm really not as strong as I used to be.
I don't want to be broken anymore.
It's the worst feeling in the world.
I just wish I could go back in time and make things go away before they even started.
There are parts of me that truly wish I hadn't failed that night...
Yet there are parts of me that are glad I did.
It's so confusing.
And I can't tell anyone about it.
I don't want them to know how truly broken I am.
Especially not now.
But I have my vodka...
Never failed me once.
Just another mask to add to my collection.
Not like it matters though.
I don't even think anyone really cares.
I mean, people say they do but what does that mean anymore?
It meant nothing in the past.
What new holds does it have now?
I just want to cry all the time.
Never really wanting to crawl out of bed.
I have my babies to take care of though.
I guess that would be the only reason I'm still here...
My heart can't take anymore pain.
It already hurts too much.
I just.....don't know anymore.
At least my computer listens to me.
And this thing.
Though God only knows who even see this long enough to change the screen.
Oh well, right?
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