I was thinking about things recently, and I figured out that if there is something that I want, then I have to work for it. And not stop. I have to be able to get to where I want by myself. Accepting help from people who care about me is okay, but they aren't going to get me the things that I want. No one but me can get what to what I want for my life.
That and I had a weird dream last night that I got a phone call about the genetic testing results from yesterday and it showed that Mary was mine and Chavo was her dad, but also that I was a missing child from 1990. Like I had been kidnapped as an infant and I had another blood related family that cared about me and missed me and the family I had grown up with wasn't my real family. But my mom was still my mom. Even though she didn't give birth to me in the dream.
I tend to over think things and watching ID on demand probably influenced that dream. With the show Disappeared and all that kind of stuff. So i know where the thoughts came from and how to deal with them.
I guess it just fully proves that I have no real attachment to my family, and my mom is really the only one I still truly care about even though she is in a better place. I know she is still watching over me. Making sure that things don't get too hard for me.
Oh well. My brain is a complicated mess.
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