When things get weird....

There are some things in life that I guess are not meant to make sense. Like love. The one thing I happen to be dealing with right now. I have the overwhelming feeling [in a good way] of bring in love. But I just don't know how to get over the obstacle of not seeing each other....it actually kind of hurts. It makes me feel like i have a weight on my heart that I can't get rid of, and that's not a lot for me. my heart has already been torn apart and bruised...and I'm afraid to let myself get hurt again. I hate even joking about it, but I think that I should just give up. If he wants to fix my faults, then let him. If he doesn't want to deal with them, then now would have to be the time to do it. I honestly don't know what I would do if that happened, but it wouldn't be good......probably go really crazy I guess. On the other hand, advise given by someone I really trust: "When you give up, that's when the right type of person comes to you." I worded it different cause I can't remember exactly how they said it. But it is true. I gave up, and he came, and pulled me out of my shell. But he's also pushing me back into it and it hurts me....I just wish that he would actually listen to me and understand what I'm saying and be able to help work things out. I want to be in a real relationship. I'm tired of just having boyfriends. I want to find someone, with or with out faults....it doesn't matter, and settle into life. Settle down into a spot where we wouldn't have to worry about petty things like lack of communication. I don't think that my heart can handle the hurt from something like this going wrong again. Its just that every good relationship that I have seems to end so quickly that it makes my head spin. And I really don't know why...except that I have such high expectations for myself that I can't seem to let things go to have a little of fun in the relationship. To do something more than look down on myself.